8

It's been a while. I've been wandering around in the dark for quite some time, and slowly, quiet rays of light have crept under the veil, and are caressing my toes yet again, promising to wind their way slowly, in the way of vines, into my vision once again. The door has swung open, the rock rolled away from the deep cavern face. I am ready.

7

The last few entries I've placed here have been a few days apart each...and a definite sign of where things are in my life right now. In taking on this project I am seeking a little more order, a daily process, an exploration aside from my obvious fascination with lights. Interestingly enough, this project has helped me realize a lot about what my life has been missing these last several months...and I'm grateful for it. The proverbial "...lightbulb, click!" sort of moment.

I have set an intention to begin this project anew in February, and until then am giving myself permission to be spotty in my work while I prepare for another big piece of work: Raqs Luminaire.

I can't wait to get a little more focus, and will look at this short break as an incubation period...seeds do have to lie quietly in wait until conditions are favorable for growth, yes?

I leave you with this poem I wrote a few years ago, which was published in The Line, the college literary magazine that I named and was briefly president of (until work overwhelmed me). A little flashback, if you will.

Pregnant in a Stiff Jacket

A voracious hunger consumes me:

An ocular aversion brings

A branch heavy with fruit into view.

Caught in a perpetual contraction

The protective grip

Shields

A pinkish bounty within.

A hiss;

Wet whisper.

The flow of sweet juices

Splash wobbly feet below

The gently marred globe.

Laborious unfolding

Draw back

Layer upon layer—

Such work!

Until the object of my adoration

Is revealed

With endless delight.

*2009

6

Here is a piece I wrote a few years ago: a structure personified. A written dichotomy of light and dark to ponder today.

Vignette

For twenty-some years I’ve

Traveled past a fertile lawn

That once shone with new beginnings.

In the form of strong beams; contours of heavy stacks

The tools and materials new, yet

Left at the mercy of time.

I’ve watched a tower grow from

These slight, brilliant beginnings, I’ve

Watched it fly to the heavens, in the form of

Gleaming gold,

Wrought with love:

Inscriptions so detailed and perfect.

I’ve taken this for granted

Nearly cowering in love

And admiration.

In the distance,

I discover a rusting hammer

Protruding from the earth.

Panic now sets in.

Steel beams,

Glowing windows,

Now replaced with a

Naked lawn

Strewn

With the blackened skeleton

Formerly known as you.

5

My son came to visit us before he came to live in my body. This is the moment where his spirit passed from a bird's into me.

4

Dawn cracked through silver-streaked clouds like silky egg yolks spewing forth from the maw of God. I knew today would be a good one.

3

Well here is the second post that I promised you today, though it is not what I hoped to be sharing. I was searching for a photographic print I made in high school. It's a double print exposure, created in my old black and white darkroom that used to be in the building that is now the Coliseum Lofts; it consists of a self-portrait where my face is washed out in a blast of light (experiments with high contrast that paid off well), with an exposure of Luna moth wings extending out from behind my head. I transformed myself into my own little light creature, dark as I was those days. I promise when I find it again I will post it right up.

The search for my shapeshifting print led me down a bittersweet path through some old photos I shot and developed, some which are close to 15 years old. I'm finding that this rediscovery is almost as sweet as new creation, and I realize how much I miss my darkroom and "real" photography . I'll stay with this reminiscing for a little while before I begin creating anew.

On that note, here is another double print exposure that is a bit of a window into my life a long time ago. This is sort of a terrible camera phone picture of a self portrait from when I was about 15. The ladder you see here actually descended into a creepy crazy dark pit on Belle Isle, and the juxtaposition of the ladder across my eyes indicated the inability to see no place but down.

You can see I've come a long way.

Until tomorrow,
K

2

photo by Herbdoc on gardens.mattters.com

Well, I ended up getting in really late last night, and could not get my daily light posted (though I was thinking about it all day). So today I'll post twice, though the content will be closely related.

The more I think about the progression of this project, the more I see that there is a chronological order that things will fall into. I began with a vignette of my childhood, so it only makes sense to go from there.

One of the very first lights that I discovered exists in the posterior of the ethereal lightening bug, classified in the order Coleoptera, family Lampyridae, with several subfamilies that range in their luminescent capabilities.

I will wax poetic soon...

Check this description of how one of my favorite creatures light up. (http://zipcodezoo.com/Animals/P/Photuris_lucicrescens/)

"The light that a firefly creates is the result of a combination of four different ingredients. This light is produced through a chemical reaction involving luciferin, which is a substrate, , an luciferaseenzyme , ATP (adenosine tri-phosphate), and oxygen. The light producing section of the body is located in the sixth or seventh abdominal section of the firefly. It is within this that the two compounds luciferin and luciferase are stored. A firefly will cavitydraw oxygen in through its complex system of air tubes and expose the oxygen to the luciferin and the luciferin will then oxidize and activate the luciferase. This will generate a light that will shine through the skeleton of the abdomen. It is important to note that scientists disagree about the method that the fireflies use to control the duration of their flashes. One theory, known as the "Oxygen Control Theory", explains that fireflies can control the length and duration of their light by regulating the amount of oxygen that they intake . If little or no oxygen reaches the part of the firefly known as the phonic organ, the chemical reaction will not be extremely strong and the light of the firefly will not shine very brightly or for a lengthy duration. Another theory, known as the "Neural Activation Theory" states that fireflies have neural control over the activity of structures called "tracheal end cells". These structures aid in the initiation of the chemical reaction. Whether or not the fireflies have physical or neural control over their ability to produce light, their method of creating the light that emanates from their bodies is extremely efficient. Very little heat is given off of this light which means that not very much energy is wasted at all."

Wow. I have always thought that bioluminescence would be an amazing starting point for environment-friendly illumination. One of my goals as a biologist (in the future) will be to find out how to make this happen. Perhaps I am just a little silly here, but doesn't the above description seem to describe the method by which to make natural light bulbs?

Until I finish with my own mad scientistry, I will focus on the artistry. For a couple of years now, I've had a vision of a dance that involves chasing and catching fireflies in my skirt. I am working on how to make this happen, and have some pretty good ideas.

Until my dance is created, enjoy this one. I am constantly enamored of the dance of beauty that is order and chaos in our natural world.

1

Today begins the day that I share with you a journey of finding light in the dark. Today is the first new moon of the year, the time when the night sky waxes darkest and most cold, so thick that even shadows have no name. Bright stars give the indication that not all is lost, and we can go forth into the night, knowing that, as has happened for eons before, that the sun will rise again in abundance. We can reference the Tarot here, the Star card giving promise of change and something new; hope in a glassy pond splashed with pinpoints of light from stars floating in the firmament above. Perhaps our hands cannot reach that which we can see, but we know it is there, possible.

This metamorphosis and transformation is an old friend of mine. Without true darkness we would never know and experience light. I give you a beginning, a dark place, a reference.

(as a note, this blog does not like the original formatting on this piece...but you'll get the drift)

Mother’s Kitchen

Some say

All fights start and end in the bedroom.

But that room is reserved for lovers alone.

Where I come from

The kitchen becomes

The circle squared.

Splintery and dark,

Hostile wooden planks with olive-colored pegs replace

The smooth springy canvas of the ring.

There’s no strong bell to signal

The end of one fiery match

And the beginning of another.

The lady begins barking orders, again.

A stolid iron skillet still

Shudders in fright from

The last round fought.

It remembers every blow.

The dirty amber glow

From the stove hood lamp

Shines only on weary faces:

Tired and drawn,

her whitewashed countenance falls

into nicotine-stained hands.

Those frozen blue eyes have taken in too much today.

Moms’ coffee

Cold

with a slimy-stiff film of cream

my only companion now.

The last go in the ring took everything away.

A fly,

frozen to the ceiling considers

her strangely electric body

strewn across the floor and

the hulk of man-speed

With furious peg-eyes

Staring back.

Her face becomes one

With the clammy planks below her.

A dog whines in the distance.

If only the ranks of

Silly blue flowers

Marching across the greasy walls could

Muster the

Strength to pull her up.

Not this time.

Not next time.

Not ever.